I guess it really depends on the kind of relationship the two people want with respect to the operations of the business. However the biggest challenges I've seen between the operator of a business and their spouse has always been around communication, expectations and emotional support. Which honestly seems to be the same for people wi…
I guess it really depends on the kind of relationship the two people want with respect to the operations of the business. However the biggest challenges I've seen between the operator of a business and their spouse has always been around communication, expectations and emotional support. Which honestly seems to be the same for people with traditional jobs vs business-operators.
Unique challenges I've seen with my relationship with my wife are around business are:
1) Communicating for support versus for problem solving. I've been in hot water not explaning that I'm not looking for a problem solving (yet), but I just needed to vent about the situation. After you get past that friction communicating your needs from your spouse things get easier, or not ... next.
2) Using your spouse as an emotional dumping ground. This is a after-effect of #1 if you are not careful, your spouse is not an emotional dumping ground, they serve one in a pinch, but expecting your spouse to hear the negatives of your business and none of the positives is a recipie for leaching resentment into a non-work relationship.
3) Expecting your spouse to have the same goals as you. Because after you've blown-through 1&2, if you havent communicated and reviewed what the goals are with the business effort, you may have inadvertantly created an environment where the spouse expects these challenges to continue and sees no payoff. Especially when all you are doing is complaining, and not strategizing/planning/communicating.
4) Keeping your partner in the dark. They do not need an intellectual/passion peer for the kind of business you are doing, but they do need to have a voice at the "table" because your time is valuable, and your spouse has decided to spend their time with you. You've got decades of minutes you will be spending with, for or about them. So keeping them in the dark is a disservice. However, its resonable to buffer their information from a day to day to a week to week, or large milestone moment. Communicating about expectations and to a greater extent consent about where to take the shared life is in my book the most important thing you can do. Ex: I will let you know if we are below X in days of cash burn, where we will need to figure out a plan.
I guess it really depends on the kind of relationship the two people want with respect to the operations of the business. However the biggest challenges I've seen between the operator of a business and their spouse has always been around communication, expectations and emotional support. Which honestly seems to be the same for people with traditional jobs vs business-operators.
Unique challenges I've seen with my relationship with my wife are around business are:
1) Communicating for support versus for problem solving. I've been in hot water not explaning that I'm not looking for a problem solving (yet), but I just needed to vent about the situation. After you get past that friction communicating your needs from your spouse things get easier, or not ... next.
2) Using your spouse as an emotional dumping ground. This is a after-effect of #1 if you are not careful, your spouse is not an emotional dumping ground, they serve one in a pinch, but expecting your spouse to hear the negatives of your business and none of the positives is a recipie for leaching resentment into a non-work relationship.
3) Expecting your spouse to have the same goals as you. Because after you've blown-through 1&2, if you havent communicated and reviewed what the goals are with the business effort, you may have inadvertantly created an environment where the spouse expects these challenges to continue and sees no payoff. Especially when all you are doing is complaining, and not strategizing/planning/communicating.
4) Keeping your partner in the dark. They do not need an intellectual/passion peer for the kind of business you are doing, but they do need to have a voice at the "table" because your time is valuable, and your spouse has decided to spend their time with you. You've got decades of minutes you will be spending with, for or about them. So keeping them in the dark is a disservice. However, its resonable to buffer their information from a day to day to a week to week, or large milestone moment. Communicating about expectations and to a greater extent consent about where to take the shared life is in my book the most important thing you can do. Ex: I will let you know if we are below X in days of cash burn, where we will need to figure out a plan.
Some books that might be helpful:
https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718
https://www.amazon.com/Unfuck-Your-Boundaries-Relationships-Communication/dp/1621061000/
A couple of tips that I thought might be helpful.
- Getting married AND having business problems is incredibly stressful. Avoid it if you can, or simply take-on the challenge.
- Get your own trusted set of business advisors/colleagues that you can vent to instead of your spouse.
- Always consider a business coach or your own therapist when dealing with stressful periods of time in your marriage/business-life.
- Pick an Appropriate Place, Time, and Setting where deep communication can happen with your spouse. Leave business out of pillow talk!